I know that my family is not alone in the struggles of life, but those when someone nears the end of theirs are especially difficult. I haven't said too much to too many people about what is happening in my family, but I really feel the need for more prayer support. My mom, Phyllis, was diagnosed with cancer for the 5th time in January. While in Eurpoe on a Mission Trip, I found out that it was now a terminal form of melanoma for which they can do nothing. We have always taken care of her during illnesses and surgeries, but there is special grace needed at this time. She had a short stay in a nursing center, presumably for rehab. She came home after being there for only 4 days in such bad shape that my husband, Ray, thought she wouldn't live for 2 more days. But once planted in the rich soil of her family, she came back to life and blossomed.
We were able to get home hospice started 2 weeks ago. She is a stouthearted woman with great perseverence. She has been deaf since age 9, after a bout with the measles and mumps which killed the nerves in her ears. She became an excellent lip reader. She has been one of the most integral people in the lives of my family and she will be very sorely missed. Every birthday, she baked a cake for the child or grandchild. Every holiday she was part of our preparations and the celebrations. But more importantly, she was a part of our everyday lives giving of her heart with her time. She always felt bad that she didn't have much money for gifts, but I always assured her that the gift of her time was far more valuable than anything money could buy.
She requires 24/7 care, as she hasn't the strength sometimes to lift a cup of water. Other times, she can take a few steps. Every day is a different day and even hour to hour things can change. I am fortunate to be so close to mom that I can tell what she wants almost without her having to ask, which is helpful because she often gets confused. Sometimes she mixes up her words and other times she is just so lost in space in her mind that she can't think to say what she wants. Our 17 year old daughter, Michelle, is learning the hard life lesson of caring for Nana in this helpless condition. It is a great lesson in compassion and a peak at the beginning of being able to understand what other people go through. Our 13 year old twins, Rebecca and Rachel, are great helpers and card players to keep Nana company.
Ray is such a phenominal support, but we are definitely getting whelmed, (not quite overwhelmed, but nearly - if it weren't for God keeping us from fainting) with the crowds in the house. We have 5 children, my son is married with 2 children, my sister and her husband have 2 children and when my brother and his wife visit, they also have 2 children. All those people make quite the comotion. Nana is well loved and my sister, Lorri, and her family are here almost every day. They visit and help care for her. Thank God for Lorri, she is a great aid in this time of not so much a trial, but an awesome responsibility. If it weren't for Lorri and Michelle, I would not be able to continue working. It is obviously God's plan for me to do so, as He keeps sending me new clients from surprising sources. My clients and other agents have been very patient with my circumstances. Our brother lives 2 hours away and is less able to spend time or help.
While I was away, our son Ray and his wife Amber, pitched in and helped with Nana unbeleivably. It was especially dear considering that Amber is pregnant with our 3rd grandson and she has Zechariah (3-1/2) and RJ (1-1/2) to care for as well. I could not have gone through this without the help, advice and encouragement of my good friend and 30 year teaching Army nurse, Marian. She has been an invaluable resource of practical and medical knowledge. Her angel Grace even volunteered to stay with mom while I had to take a class out of town.
God only knows when He will take mom home. Hospice is only when the prognosis is for 6 months of life expectancy or less. I can almost watch the cancer growing in her as new pains are appearing and capacities are limiting. I would expect more like 1-2 months at most. Of course, this tough old gal could surprise us all. Regardless, we are in it for the glory of God and for the love of Nana. All of this has made me think of many things differently and one of them concerns people's expression of love when sending flowers for the funeral. Instead of sending flowers to honor the death of an older person, consider volunteering in a nursing home for 1 hour. If you have a gift or talent, share it with those who get very little stimulation from the outside world. Sing, play an instrument, read or tell stories, help with Bingo, etc.. Our mom is fortunate that she has such a terrific support system, but many people are not so blessed and would be greatly enriched by your time.
If you read this whole dissertation, may God bless you double! Thank you for your prayers.
Clinging to the promises of God, Kim